Nobody cares...

I am listening to the radio (The Glenn Beck Program...3rd most listened to radio show in the U.S. (Uh-oh, shameless Conservative radio show plug!)) when I heard a commercial on the station that got me very concerned. It was about a Dentist (A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...that's not even that funny...). Now, this Dentist couldn't get patients (Do Dentists have patients? I'm not brushed up on my Doctor/Dentist lingo...) because there was a review on the Internet about his practice (Is it called a practice for a Dentist? Again, I just don't know...) and it was from a disgruntled patient...ya know what, I'm just going to call all Dentist "patients" victims, because we all know that's what they really are...so this victim was upset and so they gave him a bad review and that kept the Dentist from getting more victims (Puts a whole new spin on it...). Then the very convincingly serious narrator made the point that sums up the whole commercial, he said:

"The Internet does not call you for your side of the story."

And that brings me to my point (I don't get that saying, my point? I don't own a point, I don't have one on my body (nor do I have one in general)...well unless they mean my elbows...OK, that could work...)...So, that brings me to my elbows. Why doesn't the Internet call to get our side of the story? Instead it completely takes a one sided stance against good people trying to make a living (And Dentists...hehehe). And that's rude! Why we keep using this inconsiderate tool known as the Internet who won't even call to get our side of the story, I'll never know! If it doesn't have the decency to call me and ask what I think, I will stop using it!!...but then I wouldn't have this blog...(Hmmmm...)...Well, I guess the Dentist is just gonna have to deal with it and stop messing up!

Russ VanAllen
I blog because I care...I guess

"Maybe I'll slip it in her brownie"...

*Takes deep breath* Ah, this is my favorite season of them all, political season (That sweet smell of lies and deceit hanging in the air, well, there's just nothing like it...). I wanted to take this time, away from all the criticism of our dear Congress, to look at something they have done that is for our betterment (I know, it's a rather novel idea...), even though a recent bill they just passed will certainly affect my blog by completely eliminating my entire fan base (All 5 people?...(We are NOT starting this again!)). How, you ask? Because it targets pot brownies (See what I did there? I just insinuated my entire "fan" base are druggies...it'll be just my luck that it turns out to be true...). That's right, ongress...WHAT!! My computer doesn't want to type "C", I have to pound the poor key for it to actually type! What is going on!!!!!...anyway, Congress has passed the "Saving Kids from Dangerous Drugs Act of 2009" (Wow...no wonder the Democrats don't read the bills, I'm exhausted just reading the title...), making the kitchens much, much safer for our youth.

Russ VanAllen
Disclaimer: Neither Russ VanAllen nor the Russ VanAllen Corporation, or any subsidiary company therein, condone the use of illegal drugs of any sort (Except Mary Jane, but that's just because we're not sure what it is...).

Aficionadocationizing...

(That's a completely made up word (Excuse me, did you just open this blog post with a parenthesized comment?) Yes, got a problem with it...it's my blog, I'll do what I want (Technically it's OUR blog, and you/I are/am arguing with yourself/myself...)...touche) I am so sorry you all had to witness that. Aficionadocationizing is NOT a made up word...OK well it is, but it has a meaning...give me a second to think of one...(This may take a while...)...For now, I am going to say that it is the "act of lying about being an aficionado of something" (So basically you aficionadocationize all day?). I witnessed this the other day while attending Two Gentlemen of Verona...which, for those who don't know, is a play by William Shakespeare. In the playbill one of the "actors" claimed to be an aficionado at Comedy, Film and Music. WHAT!! You can't claim to be an aficionado at all those things! You have obviously not aficionado'd (Another made up use of the word "aficionado") before. For one thing, it's just too many things to be an "aficionado" at (Who do you think you are, me?), and for two thing...wait a tick, there's an awesome "old style" plane outside, I'm gonna go re-enact the airplane scene from North by Northwest...OK I am back, for two thing I saw his so-called "comedy" and it was definitely NOT the work of an aficionado (I think Scott Erno is more funny than that guy was...); which, then, leads me to believe he isn't that aficionadoable of films or music (Because he sure wasn't at comedy). So don't go around saying your an aficionado at so many things, or anything you aren't...I mean that's like me saying I am an aficionado at bull-fighting, sure it sounds cool, but put it to the test and I'd be gored (Like a pumpkin...? Or a gourd...?).

Russ VanAllen
Aficionado at life (And never having a girlfriend (Shut-up!!))

How to succeed in business without really trying...

That's really an easy answer. Casinos! Where else can you go with $100 and leave with $1,000 (Or you could lose your money...but we don't talk about that)? Now, in California it's even easier for people without money to make money at casinos (...), as California will now allow you to cash in your welfare checks at casinos (Because California is only looking out for you and not trying to just overcome a massive budget deficit). You can even cash it in right there at the ATM (How convenient...). It's brilliant. Now poor people have a chance to make a fortune and therefore stop being poor...which will in turn make America more classy (Yeah, that's our problem, we lack class...). Now, don't go and take this blog post out of context saying it's an "Anti-poor" post. I support the poor...I just don't care about them (Classy...). But now, California has given them a chance to redeem themselves. So my message to poor people: take your welfare checks, go to California and hit the casinos! You're life can only improve (...). Where else are you going to get money from? The government? No (Wait, isn't that what welfare is?). This is your chance to make money the legit and American way.

Russ VanAllen
One Classy Brawd