Monday, November 15, 2010

The Plan

This morning the Debt Reduction Commission revealed it's plan to lower the mounting national debt.  In a simple 3 step plan consisting of 1 plan and 2 fall back plans, the DRC announced it's recommendation to sell California.  In a statement released this morning, Commission Chairmen Alan Simpson and Erskine Bowles stated that "since California itself is so far in debt, we could sell it for quite a bit of money, lose a bunch of people who are dependent on the government and actually make some headway into fighting the national debt."  The Golden State, which has a population of over 36 million people according to the Census Bureau, has had it's own problems with high debt, sky high unemployment and movie star governors.

Although actually pulling off the sale is a whole different story, as finding a nation who actually wants a bankrupt state with people who rely so heavily on the government is going to be difficult.  Of course the Commission is prepared for that outcome and have installed 2 back-up plans.  The statement from Simpson and Bowles reveals that "in the case that our long shot plan fails, we have two more options available.  The first back-up plan is to sell Detroit, which is almost exactly like the California deal but on a much smaller level, so it may be easier to pull off.  The second back-up plan is to sell Nancy Pelosi.  We actually don't think that will work at all to help the national debt, we just really want to get rid of her; which is one of the perks of selling California."

We questioned Mr. Simpson about the ethicality of these plans, to which he said "Well, we considered that, but we're technically a government body so we don't look at things that way, and frankly, we believe it should have happened a long time ago."  We did ask Mr. Simpson about what would happen with the movie industry in the event California was sold, to which he replied "it's not like they've produced some really great films recently, so we on the Commission don't feel like we'd lose much."  We did try to contact Ms. Pelosi, but none of our calls were returned.

Russ VanAllen
Chief Correspondent for Russinize Your Day

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Wink, Wink

Hello, I'm Russ VanAllen.  I'm sure you all know who I am.  If you don't, well, I'm so sorry.  Now I wanted to take some time out of my incredibly busy schedule to talk to you about people who add little smiley or winking faces whilst typing, yet aren't really doing those things.  If you didn't actually smile at your comment, you should not be adding in one of these :).   If you didn't wink at your computer screen, then why are you adding this ;)?  If you add one of these :D then why aren't you...well actually, I'm not sure what that's supposed to be...are you gaping?  Maybe surprised?...I'm not sure...Anyway little emoticon thingies should follow the same rules as "LOLing" or "ROFLing" or "LMAOing".  If you didn't laugh out loud or roll on the floor laughing or if your a** didn't literally fall off while in a fit of laughter you just lied to whoever you were typing to.  How can you look yourself in the mirror knowing that?  Now, you may be saying "Russ, you hypocrite, you lie everyday.  How can you criticize me for it?"  Where that may be true, you must remember I'm a professional.  I graduated with a BS in Arts and I'm able to lie flawlessly and make it seem natural.  In fact my lies are so perfect they become the truth...which then means I didn't lie thus making me not a liar...?  So in short don't go throwing around little emoticon thingies unless you are smiling or creeperishly winking at somebody or sitting with your mouth open...seriously, what is that? :D, it's just weird...

Russ VanAllen
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