Just when Republicans would have you believe the stimulus did not work, a new stimulus-funded study from Stanford University is set to bring a close to the debate over global warming. The results may surprise you. Stanford researches have discovered that global warming is indeed real, and that it is, indeed, man-made. The study finds that every election cycle, politicians travel the country delivering speeches and releasing dangerous gases and hot air into the atmosphere. The study shows that this accounts for the greenhouse gas buildup causing the earth to heat up, melting the polar ice caps, killing polar bears, selling Prius', and sending Al Gore into a downward spiral of insanity.
The researchers are planning to turn a report into the EPA with their recommendations on how to cut down the growing danger. Russinize Your Day has been told, by an unnamed source, that some of these recommendations include limiting Donald Trump's dialogue to "you're fired!", keeping Warren Buffet from speaking in general, and limiting Presidential debates to 30 minutes. We are also told that the study listed President Obama as the top contributor to the problem, but he did get credit for recycling his State of the Union addresses. It's yet to be seen if the EPA will act on these recommendations.
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