Friday, May 7, 2010

Nice beaver...

With terrorists all over the place and wars starting here and there, the question arises as to whether or not we're on the right track to catching those that wish to destroy America and democracy. Well I say no. Why do I say no, you ask? Because we have overlooked one major enemy that is camped right on our doorstep, operating out of a facility so large it can be seen from space, that's right, you can see the dam thing from space! How we haven't taken notice of them before I don't know, and some sources say they've been operating at this facility since the 1970's. Where is this located, you inquire? In Canada, but the threat isn't the occupants of the useless country, it's the beavers building a massive dam in Wood Buffalo National Park (Wood Buffalo?). These beavers are deadly eco-terrorists (I really have no clue what that means), I mean come on, they chop down trees to build stuff (and make paper)! Which leads me to what I believe is their ultimate plot. Without trees we won't have shade to lay under, on those hot summer days, and we will all be badly sunburned. (Here's where is gets graphic) That's when the attack will begin, they will invade every city and slap our sunburned selves with their massive tails!! It's something you could only hope not to see in a movie with Eddie Murphy or that guy from "The Mummy". So take it from me, the greatest threat to America and democracy is Canada...I mean beavers...

Russ VanAllen
Conspiratative Theorizer


  1. You mean Brenden Fraiser? Good call on this conspiracy, Russ...but why are they starting in Canada? Everyone knows there are no sunny beaches there.

  2. Yes, him (I knew his name, but thought it would be funnier to not put it). That's exactly why they are starting in Canada, nobody would expect it, it's the perfect place for staging terrorist plots.