Everytime you wear pants, you're hurting America...

Fear-mongers everywhere keep trying to blame the Federal Government for the state of our economy (Ridiculous!...). But I finally found an article (Or at the least the picture for an article) that actually tells the truth about who, or what, is to blame (I didn't actually read the article...that would have involved me doing work...). According to this article's picture, pockets are to blame for the state of our economy! That's right! Those little storage places on your pants (and occasionally shirts) are the reason our economy is the way it is. Now, I know what you're thinking "How is that possible, Russ? You're just a crazy-monger.". Where as most of that is true, my haphazard theories have never let me down before...that often. When you get money from the bank, you put it in your pocket (Instead of leaving it in the government run bank for the Federal Government to have access to it, which is what fuels the economy). Then, you forget about it and your clothes go through the wash. After 5 weeks you finally get around to wearing those pants again. You reach into your pocket, and what do you find? Nothing. Come to find out your wife found it while doing the laundry and she went out and bought a new dress (Or whatever women buy at stores). Way to go, my friend, your pockets just funded Capitalism (Which as we know from Michael Moore movies is evil and ruining our economy). So your pockets just funded the ruinization of our economy. How do you feel now? (I can't believe I was actually able to wrap that up! Man I'm good!!)

Russ VanAllen
Your day has just been Russinized!!
Disclaimer: Russ VanAllen, Russinize Your Day, the Russ VanAllen Corporation, and all subsidiary companies, are not liable for any mental trauma, delusions of grandeur, repetitive name dropping, the contraction of mad cow disease, conspiracy theories, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or voices in your head that may result from the Russinization of your day. Thank you.